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secret_voices

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Nothing Much [Jun. 22nd, 2006|07:59 am]
secret_voices
I decided to post something here just to mix things up......I don't have anything to say though
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teeheeee [May. 6th, 2006|05:06 pm]
secret_voices
[mood |tired, sore, but happy]
[music |Jeff Buckley-Grace]

bwahahahaha........I'm back........fear my wrath............the last show for Aladdin is tonight.......at 7......the first two shows have been DYNAMITE.........honestly, NOTHING went wrong..........truly.........I just discovered Jeff Buckley.......he is Ani's male counterpart for GODLINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know that song "Hallelujah" fron Shrek????? Thats his song........he is god.......end of story........
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Today [Feb. 18th, 2006|09:28 pm]
secret_voices
[mood |possitive end of the spectrum!]
[music |Ani DiFranco- In or Out (LOVE THIS SONG)]

Today has been fun. I danced in the rain for about half and hour. Big fun...but watch me get sick a week before performing :-( that would suck...anyways, I've been feeling happy today. I played my piano a lot....composing is fun (even though I have no clue what I'm doing) , but I kind of realized that its vaguely pointless because I can't REMEMBER what I write, which makes it kind of hard ;-P ....smiles are fun.... I just learned that one....anyways, did you know Fiona Apple has OCD?????? I learned that today, but whatever....

Hey Caitlin *shifty eyes* You should UPDATE YOUR LIVEJOURNAL!!!!!!1
Dorie can too!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for gods sake!!!!!!!!

Anyways, I discovered a new artist I like. Tracy Chapman...she was HUGE in the late 80's-90's...but I still like her...I changed my MySpace song to her, but I'll change it back to Ani soon enough....nothing compares to Ani....nadie....guess what???? Me and Danielle's report cards got mailed to the wrong house!!!!!! They nover got them!!!!! or Danielle intercepted it ;-) whatever, mine was good, with all A's, and B's in PE and Math (but my math grade was SO close!!!!!) anyways, I think I'm going to write a lot tomorrow...I like not being restriced to anything :-) ....ya...it good...
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Mr. Ryken [Feb. 11th, 2006|08:56 am]
secret_voices
So ya....I had a really good lesson with Mr. Ryken......lots of really cool bioresponses........anyways, I talked to him a lot about how I felt nd he said that it was normal, and I was actually progressing incredibly fast. He said, right know, my voice isn't right, but it is well on its way to being right. According to him, I can "do it" consistantly and perfectly most of the time, know we just have to integrate it into body memory and reflexes, which should take about a year....anyways, confidence is sky rocketing, which has never really happened before....So I guesss I'm happy...isn't it weird how our lives directly affect our happiness???? Why can't we just...be happy no matter what!! Like, say that you just got fired...your depresed, but then, you get an even better job, odds are you will still be a little down, or at least I would...OH!!!!!! You all must come see the show I'm in, Hello, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle!!!! I know it sounds lame, but it is really a fun show especially for little kids, f you have younger siblings...the times are..... Friday, February 24: 9:30 AM, 12 PM, & 7 PM; Satuday, February 25: 2 PM & 7 PM.....you can get tickets at the door (Del Valle, of course) the theatre's address, if you don't know how to get there, is 1963 Tice Valley Boulevard, Walnut Creek.........you all must see it!!!!!!!!
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How I Feel As Of Now [Feb. 7th, 2006|07:40 pm]
secret_voices
[mood |read the damn entry :-)]
[music |Father Lucifer-Tori Amos]

I feel strangly empty...almost like there is so much emotion swirling around in my chest that I can't even consider absorbing it all. Me and theatre have become astranged. I still get a thrill from perfroming and I stil love it, I just don't get the high I once did. I am also going through a rough patch with singing, my main passion in life as of now. I've been having a little bit of trouble with it, which is understanable, because it normally takes 3-5 years to be consistant with the style....I'm just horribly impatient, and most things I master and learn unbelievably quickly, so its just hard for me to struggle. I know how unbelievably immature it sounds. Also, my fierce independance is starting to become a lot more noticable to me. As my mom said, I've ALWAYS marched to the beat of my own drummer, but I guess I'm just starting to notice how utterly isolated I am from the "common mind". Although I have no urge to become apart of the comonmind, its just feels really big....I don't know, but I guess I'm fine. I'm oddly good with chaos and being uncomfortabe. I almost find uncomfort comfortable in some completely unknowable way. Also, I think a part of the swirling emotions in my chest is also due, maybe a little bit, to the fact that I'm just really starting to realize that I don't know everything. How I operate is by taking an idea, probing it, disecting and complete making it known to the point that it becomes apart of me. And I'm starting to encounter things that their beauty is that I don't understand them and its just....hard to bare. Its like I'm being rewritten, and I don't like drastic change much, so its hard. I like to be grounded and firm and safe....maybe that goes along with how I was saying that I'm everything. I love chaos and being uncomfortable, yet I also crave comfort and simplicity and wholeness....God, thats what I really want, to be whole. To know that I am solid and that everything is simpler and....just wholer I suppose...That is what I really want, for all the paradoxes and dichotomies and polarites and all those things to be OK. I guess thats what I really want....unconditional love...I guess it somehow becomes the answer to wholeness and dichotonism combined....unconditional love. It works, just trust me...I think maybe I could use a good crying session...its times like this when I really wish that I was/am a teary person...being a religious person would be nice as well..feeling like a had a purpose....holy crap...religious revalation, documented on livejournal....OK. I just realized that I don't need a purpose...I would like one, but it really isn't nesecary. I suppose all that is neseacary is unconditional love, wholeness and polarity, and those togather make enough of a purpose for me...I feel like I need to scream, get some of this out.....I think I will......one second.....didn't work...now my throat just hurts more.....oh, I started my fist composition, which is pretty god, considering I can't play the piano.....thats an amusing thought....I have to go...I feel a little bit better, I suppose
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Feel like I need to write more....... [Jan. 21st, 2006|08:21 pm]
secret_voices
[mood |good :-)]
[music |Natasha Bedingfeild-Unwritten]

I've been thinking more, thanks to Anna, probably the singularly most inspiring and amazing and good (*laughter*) person in my life right now......thanks Anna.........anyways........As mine and Anna conversation discussed, a lot of people are trying not to conform by conforming to not conforming (it makes sense, really!!!!) Their intentions are noble, but they are doing it all wrong. As I've discovered, the way to do it is by being yourself. If you do that, you'll stand out and not conform at the same time............its like those people who think they are singing opera by soft palate singing, whihc is the global opposite of opera. Same concept........................ya............feel like there is more to say, but nothings coming...........oh well................
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Truth-I'm coming clean [Jan. 21st, 2006|01:12 pm]
secret_voices
[mood |real good]
[music |guess]

I didn't go for a walk. Instead I got the realization of my life. I realized, what in the world am I doing here????? What had I been doing. I had been just pretending to march to the beat of my own drummer, but instead, I was just conforming and binding myself. I finally realized this, so I went throgh my room, found everything that was binding me to that life, and destroyed it. The poster of a coyote that had been on my wall for years, its gone. An old diary, in the trash. It contained secret, and I don't want secrets. SO later, aI'll post all of my secret, but I'm on a role. Next, I kicked my deodarant. It just felt right. Finally I destroyed a picture of Bush that I had defaced. I decided, although me and him hold horribly different views, there is no ned for hate. Hate is the problem, and I was giving in. I'm over hate. Tahn I took a schetch pad and about 75 markers and drew for about ten minutes. Not pictures, just shapes and colors and light. They are in the place of all my old things on the wall. OK. On to secret. So lets start..........My name is Jason Henry Ostrove. I am 14 years old. I am a freshman at Northgate. I am straight for the most part. Sometimes I get homosexual urges, but I consider myself straight. Maybe I'm bi. I'm not sure yet..... I really love my little brother, no matter how much we appear to hate each other. It has become a vicious cycle, which I am beaking out of. I just told him "I've been thinking a lot lately, and I've realized that I've been mean to you lately, and I want to change it. So, you want to be friends from now on???????" Oh course, he said yes......that felt good.....I also feel like there are a few more inhabitions I have to break, I just haven't realized them. So, until next time.........btw, listen to the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. I personally think it was the catalyst that sparked my realization. Maybe it will help other people........
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I just feel like writing [Jan. 21st, 2006|12:34 pm]
secret_voices
[mood |need to go.......]
[music |Natasha Bedingfeild-Unwritten]

Ya.......I just feel like I have to write........I haven't gotten one of these urges in a long time......so I think I'll just free-form it.........here it goes.........

If a frown is a smile upside-down, and good is bad gone a like wrong, what am I? I must sound so depressed right now. But thats not how I tend to go. I tend just to throw my wings up and hope for a strong gust to come and take me away. But all that proves is that I'm stuck in more ways than one. 1) I feel inhibited by fear. Why can't i just get over it and move on 2) In my love life. What is wrong with me? Why won't I let unconditional love in? 3) Have I lost control? Do I have a say in anything I do or am I just bound to the future. One set in stone and my flesh and bones can't break free? 4) Whats wrong with me? Not sure yet. Maybe it will come. Maybe it won't. I just feel like athere is a maelstorm of emotions caught in my chest. Its stuck. I'm stuck. Maybe humanity isn't as free as we thought. It pains me to say it, but maybe its true. I think I'll go for a walk. See ya.
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I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Jan. 20th, 2006|08:28 pm]
secret_voices
[mood |read above]
[music |This Woman's Work-Kate Bush]

YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I found a way to get the Internet on my computer!!!!!!!!!!!! to use the Microsoft Outlook email thing!!!!!!!!!! I'm cheating, but thats OK. I'm listening to Kate Bush. Ella es una cantante muy buena y su voz es mas bonita y emotional que palabras sabe. Ya. I have a 98 in spanish...........teeheeee............Download her songs Wuthering Heights and This Woman's Work, if not the whole CD The Sensual World...........ya...........Arinanna, are you serious????????/Why wouldn't Sam not want to go back to FWF??????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????? I am confused..............and I had to miss Mr. Ryken because my throat hurts really badly................. I'm gonna make a cup of throat coat when I'm done typing this.........I'm grounded because I told my mom to screw herself..........teeheeee..........I'm really anxious..........I NEED SOMETHING TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GROWING BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M MISERABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHY WON'T SOMETHING HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Arianna, what is Sam's phone number??????/ If you ever talk to him, tell him to three way call me. my number is (925) 274-1304..............
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mwahahahahahahahahahaha/gwafafafafafafafafafafafa!!!!!!!!! [Jan. 7th, 2006|05:08 pm]
secret_voices
I am back to LJ!!!!!!!! Ya, the internet on my computer is broken, so I haven't been able to access it in a long time.......so now I am.......fear my wrath.........Alanis is still God.........screw Fallout Boy........Ani is tied for supreme goddessness..........but I've been more obsessivly listening to Alanis.......peace out...........
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